Getting married is one of the great Sunnahs of Rasulullah (saw). However, it recently struck me that not just is it a sunnah in itself, but also that it opens up the door to many others as well. There are many other sunan which only married people can act on, and which single people are deprived of. Below are just a few of them.
May Allah ta’ala grant all married people, by virtue of acting on these things, a blissful, loving and lasting relationship; and may He make it easy for all of us singletons to get married, so that we can implement them as well.
(Note: don’t forget to read the ahadith at the end. That’s the most important part!)
1) Greet her.
2) Convey salams to her from others.
3) Smile at her.
4) Make dua for her.
5) Honour her friends, even after her death. Send them food from a sacrifice.
6) Eat from the same plate.
7) Drink from the same place where she places her mouth, and eat from the same place where she places her mouth.
8 ) Put a morsel of food in her mouth.
9) Let her comb your hair.
10) Recite Qur’an, while resting your head in her lap.
11) Take a ghusl with her from a single container.
12) Teach and advise her in a gentle manner.
13) Go racing with her and let her win. Later, when she puts on weight, race with her again and beat her.
14) Call her by an endearing nickname.
15) Wipe away her tears.
16) Heed her advice.
17) Take her with you on long journeys. If you have more than one wife, let them cast lots to decide who gets to go.
19) Let her spend time with her friends.
20) Give her time to adorn herself before going to her for intimacy.
21) Do not go to her in the manner of animals.
22) Make this dua before being intimate with her: Bismillah. Allahumma jannibnash shaitaan, wa jannibish shaitaana maa razaqtanaa.
23) Wake her up to make salah at night. If she doesn’t get up, sprinkle water on her face.
Specifically on the wedding night
24) Let her pray two raka’at salah behind you and then make this dua: Allahumma baarik lee fee ahlee wa baarik lahum fiyya. Allahummarzuqhum minnee warzuqnee minhum. Allahummajma’ bainanaa maa jama’ta ilaa khairin, wa farriq bainanaa idhaa farraqta ilaa khairin.
25) Place your hands on her head and make this dua: Allahumma innee as-aluka khairahaa wa khaira maa jabaltahaa ‘alaih; wa a’oodhu bika min sharrihaa wa min sharri maa jabaltahaa ‘alaih.
26) Give her some milk to drink
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(1): The Prophet (saw) went to the chamber of ‘Ā’ishah (ra) and said, “Assalamu alaikum Ahlal Bait, wa rahmatullah.” She replied, “Wa ‘alaikas salaam wa rahmatullah. Kaifa wajadta ahlak? Baarakallahu lak.” Hewent to all his other wives saying the same thing, and they replied in the same way. (Sahih Bukhari)
The Prophet (saw) said, “You will not enter Paradise until you believe; and you will not believe until you love one another. Should I not guide you to something which, if you do it, will cause you to love on another? Spread the greeting of salaam among you.” (Sahih Muslim)
(2): The Prophet (saw) told ‘Ā’ishah (ra), “O Aish! This is Jibreel conveying salaam to you.” She replied, “And upon him be peace and the mercy of Allah. You see that which I do not.” (Sahih Bukhari)
(3): Jarir ibn ‘Abdullah (ra) related that ever since he accepted Islam, the Prophet (saw) never saw him, except that he smiled at him. (Sahih Bukhari) If he smiled at his Companions (ra), he would have smiled at his wives (ra) as well.
He :saw: also said, “Your smiling at your brother counts as a charity for you.” (Sunan Tirmidhi)
(4): ‘Ā’ishah (ra) related, “Once, when I saw the Prophet (saw) in a good mood, I requested him, ‘O Messenger of Allah! Make dua to Allah for me.’ He responded, ‘O Allah! Forgive ‘Ā’ishah her past and future sins, and her private and public sins.’ She then laughed so much that her head fell into her lap. He asked her, ‘Does my dua make you happy?’ ‘And why shouldn’t it make me happy?’ she replied. He said, ‘By Allah! Indeed, it is my dua for my ummah in every salah.’” (Majma’ Zawa’id)
(5): ‘Ā’ishah (ra) related, “I was never jealous towards any of the other wives of the Prophet :saw: as I was jealous towards Khadijah, even though I never saw her. However, he used to mention her often. Often when he sacrificed a sheep, he would cut it into pieces and send them to Khadijah’s friends. I would often say to him, ‘It is as if there was only Khadijah in the world!’ He would say, ‘She was as she was and I had children from her.’” (Sahih Bukhari)
(6): ‘Ikrash ibn Dhu’ayb related, “We were brought a platter with a large amount of tharid and slices of boneless meat and I plunged in my hand in from all directions, but the Messenger of Allah (saw) ate what was in front of him. He seized my right hand with his left and said, ‘Eat from one place, ‘Ikrash, for it is all one kind of food.’ Afterwards we were brought a plate containing various kinds of dates and I began to eat what was in front of me while the hand of Allah’s Messenger (saw) went round on the plate. He then said, ‘Eat where you wish, ‘Ikrash, for it is not all one kind.’” (Sunan Tirmidhi)
(7): ‘Ā’ishah (ra) related, “I drank something while I was menstruating. I then passed it to the Prophet (saw) and he placed his mouth at the place where my mouth had been. And I ate meat from a bone while I was menstruating. I then passed it to the Prophet (saw) and he placed his mouth at the place where my mouth had been.” (Sahih Muslim)
(8): The Prophet (saw) told Sa’d (ra), “Indeed, O Sa’d, you will never spend anything, desiring thereby the Countenance of Allah Most High, except that you will be rewarded for it, even for the morsel of food which you place in your wife’s mouth.” (Musnad Ahmad)
(9): ‘Ā’ishah (ra) related, “I used to comb the hair of the Messenger of Allah (saw) while I was menstruating.” (Sahih Bukhari)
(10): ‘Ā’ishah (ra) related, “The Prophet (saw) used to lean on my lap while I was menstruating, and then he would recite the Qur’an.” (Sahih Bukhari)
(11): ‘Ā’ishah (ra) related, “I and the Prophet (saw) used to take a ghusl from a single container, for purification from janabah.” (Sahih Bukhari)
(12): Anas ibn Mālik (ra) related that the Jews entered upon the Prophet (saw) and said, “Death be upon you.” The Prophet :saw: replied, “Death be upon you.” ‘Ā’ishah then said, “Death be upon you, O brothers of apes and pigs, and the curse of Allah and His Anger.”
He then said, “O ‘Ā’ishah, stop.” “O Messenger of Allah, did you not hear what they said?” she protested. He replied, “Did you not hear what I replied to them? O ‘Ā’ishah, gentleness never enters anything, except that it beautifies it; and it is not removed from anything, except that it disfigures it.” (Musnad Ahmad)
(13): ‘Ā’ishah (ra) accompanied the Prophet (saw) on a trip. They were at the back of the group and heard the guides in front calling them and others to move faster. The Prophet (saw) challenged her to a race and she beat him.
Later, on another trip, he challenged her again. This time he beat her. She said that she was slender when she beat the Prophet (saw). When she put on weight, he knew he was going to beat her and therefore he challenged her the second time. (Musnad Ahmad)
(14): The Prophet (saw) would call ‘Ā’ishah (ra) ‘Ā’ish (without the taa-marbutah at the end) as well as Humairaa’ (the small, fair one). See footnotes (2) and (18).
(15): Safiyyah (ra) was traveling with the Prophet (saw) and it was her turn to do so. She was slow in walking. The Prophet (saw) received her while she was crying, and she said, “You gave me a slow camel.” Seeing that, the Prophet (saw) wiped her eyes with his hands and consoled her. (Sunan Nasa’i)
(16): The Prophet (saw) agreed to the conditions set by the Quraish in the Treaty of Hudaibiyah. One of them was that the Muslims would not be allowed to perform ‘Umrah that year. So the Prophet (saw) ordered the Sahabah (ra) to sacrifice their animals and shave their heads (to go out of the state of ihraam), but not a single one of them did so. He repeated his command three times but still they did not do it. So he went to Umm Salamah (ra) and told her what had happened. She advised him to go out and, without saying a word to anyone, sacrifice his animal himself and have his head shaved. He did so and when the Sahabah (ra) saw that, they all followed his example. (Sahih Bukhari)
(17): ‘Ā’ishah (ra) related, “Whenever the Messenger of Allah (saw) intended to go on a journey, he would draw lots among his wives and would take with him the one upon whom the lot fell. During a battle which he went on, he drew lots among us and the lot fell upon me, and so I went with him. This was after Allah had decreed the use of the veil by women.” (Sahih Bukhari)
(18): ‘Ā’ishah (ra) related, “Some Abyssinians entered the masjid and started playing there. The Prophet (saw) asked me, ‘O Humairaa’, would you like to watch them?’ ‘Yes,’ I replied. He then stood at the door by himself; I placed my chin on his shoulder and rested my face on his cheek. Part of what they said that day was, ‘The father of Qasim is a good person.’ He then asked me, ‘Have you had enough?’ I replied, ‘Don’t be hasty, O Messenger of Allah.’ So he stood there for me. Later he asked again, ‘Have you had enough?’ I replied, ‘Don’t be hasty, O Messenger of Allah.’ ‘Ā’ishah (ra) added, ‘I did not want to watch them, but I loved to make the other women aware of his standing there for me, and the regard he had for me.’” (Ahkaamun Nazar)
(19): ‘Ā’ishah (ra) related that she was playing with some dolls near the Prophet (saw). She said, “My friends came to me, but then left out of shyness of the Messenger of Allah (saw). He then sent for them to come to me.” (Sahih Muslim)
(20): Jabir ibn ‘Abdullah (ra) related, “We went for a battle with the Prophet (saw) and I was riding on my camel. Someone followed me from behind and began urging on my camel with a stick; it went forward quickly, faster than the best of camels. The Prophet (saw) asked, ‘Why you are in hurry?’. I replied, ‘I got married recently.’ He asked, ‘Is she a maiden or not?’. I replied, ‘She is not’. He asked, ‘Wouldn’t it have been better to marry a young girl, so that you could have fun with one other?.’ Then, when I went to consummate the marriage, the Prophet (saw) said, ‘Wait until night (i.e. after Isha’) so that the bride can comb her hair and get ready.’ (Sahih Bukhari)
(21): The Prophet (saw) said, “One of you should not fall upon his wife like an animal does; let there be a messenger between them.” He was asked, “And what is the messenger?” He replied, “Kissing and talking.” (Daylami)
(22): The Prophet (saw) said, “Indeed, if one of you says, when going to his wives, ‘In the Name of Allah. O Allah! Keep shaitaan away from us, and keep him away from that which you grant us,’ and they are then granted a child, shaitaan will not harm him.” (Sahih Bukhari)
(23): The Prophet (saw) said, “May Allah have mercy on a man who stands up at night and prays, and wakes his wife up to pray; and if she refuses, he sprinkles water on her face. May Allah have mercy on a woman who stands up at night and prays, and wakes her husband up to pray; and if he refuses, she sprinkles water on his face.” (Sunan Abu Dawud)
(24): A man from Bajilah came to ‘Abdullah ibn Mas’ud (ra) and said, “Indeed, I have married a virgin and I fear that she will find me repugnant.” ‘Abdullah said, “Indeed, affection is from Allah, and repugnance is from Shaitaan who wants you to hate one another. So when you enter upon her, let her to pray two raka’at behind you. Then say, ‘O Allah, bless my family for me, and bless me for them. O Allah, grant them rizq from me, and grant me rizq from them. O Allah, unite us in goodness; and if You separate us, separate us in goodness.’” (Majma’ Zawa’id)
(25): The Prophet (saw) said, “If one of you marries a woman or buys a servant, he should say, ‘O Allah, indeed I ask You for her goodness, and the goodness of the inborn dispositions which You have given her; and I seek Your protection from her evil, and the evil of the inborn dispositions which You have given her.’ And when he buys a camel, he should take hold of the highest part of its hump and say the same thing.” One of the narrators added, “He should take hold of her forelock and make dua for barakah in his wife and servant.” (Sunan Abu Dawud)
